You always learn when you are wrong which is very annoying. Now what do you learn when you are correct? You are walking in the world, you are operating in the world. You have a sense of what you want to have happen. You are always looking at the world through this sense of what you want to have happen. You are acting so that what you want to have happen will happen and when it happens. Well, then you are happy because well, first you get what you want and that’s good, maybe, depending on what you want but it’s also good because if you get what you want when you act then it turns out that your model of how to act is valid. Right？The outcome that you get what you want indicates no error on the part of your model but it’s very frequently the case that when you act to get what you want you don’t get what you want and then that’s unpleasant because you don’t get what you want, but it is more unpleasant because it brings with it the hint of a suggestion that the manner in which you are construing the world is incorrect at some indeterminate level.
For example if you tell a party, tell a joke at a party you presume that people will attend and then when they hear the joke they will laugh and then if you tell the joke and it goes flat or even worse, disgusts and offends people then you are going to be taken aback. And that’s partly because you didn’t get what you want and that’s not so good but it’s more because something wrong with the way you conceptualized the situation and then you are faced with a problem and the problem is the emergence of a domain of the unknown. It’s like what kind of mistake did you make , maybe you are not funny as you think you are . That could be a big problem. Maybe you are not around people that who are the way you think they are. Maybe they don’t like you as much as you thought they liked you. I mean the potential for various paranoid thoughts of increasing severity to come welling up at you in a situation where you make even a trivial social mistake is quite broad. And when you make an error of that sort you have to face it and sort through all the possibilities so that you can find out what it was that you did wrong and how to retool it so that in the future you don’t make the same mistake.
再用上述的和女生聊天的例子，她没给你你想要的结果，于是你思考原因。1. 是不是你聊天时候说的话不合时宜，不恰当？2. 是不是那个女生本身就对你不是特别感兴趣? 3. 是不是你没有你想象的那么不错 ?
etc etc etc..
于是你可以怎么做？1. 聊天内容控制在安全线内，在两人不太熟悉的情况下 2. 想办法让她对你感兴趣，或者放弃 3. 努力让自己更优秀